(Photo Credit: High 5 Photography)
Why is it that endings are usually sad? I mean, with the exception of cellulite, bad company, or acne, good-bye’s don’t usually feel good. They often leave me with a sense of longing or sorrow. Leaving a house for the last time, saying good-bye to a long distance friend after a visit, reflecting on another year that has passed in my children’s lives on their birthdays…though I have great joy in Christ and I long for little when it comes to material possessions, I really struggle with the finality of things that end.
(Photo Credit: High 5 Photography)
The same is true when it comes to our decision to leave our child bearing years behind. We recently had our sixth child. Now, when I say that, many people act as if this decision should be an easy one – because, afterall, we have SIX children. It takes two hands to hold up the number of fingers I need to show how many children we have. Half a dozen! Six pack! When I was still pregnant with our last one, I would say things like, “Well, since this is probably our last one…” and I would almost always hear the response, “Probably?!?” as if the idea of having a seventh should be unconscionable to us. But, the fact is that it’s not. I know that by today’s standards, that makes us absolutely insane.
You might be wondering why we are putting a halt child bearing if we would like to have more. The short answer is that, medically speaking, we have been advised against continuing. When weighing out the risks and considering the children we already have, we know it is wise to end this season of our lives.
(Photo Credit: High 5 Photography)
On one hand, I’m excited for the possibilities this opens up for our family. Field trips and vacations will only get easier from here. I will be able to serve others more as my children get a little older, just as people have helped our family so much over the last few years. It’s fun to think of the journey God will open up for our family going forward in this new season of child-rearing instead of child-bearing. I know He has things in store for us that I can’t even begin to imagine!
But, I have to take some time to mourn and say good-bye to this season that has been an amazing blessing. Good-bye to the excitement of waiting for that pink line to appear. To the wonder of knowing that a new life is forming and that our lives will change in nine months. The morning or evening sickness that comes, knowing that it stinks right now but is totally worth it. The first time I feel that baby move and the connection that grows between us over several months. Knowing that even if I go somewhere in an empty vehicle, I still have one of my children with me. Watching my husband look at me with awe and rub my belly as he grows a connection with her too. Making jokes about the “eviction notice” toward the end, anxious to meet my baby face to face. Walking onto the maternity floor knowing that when we leave, we will have another person to take with us. Feeling my husband’s total support and devotion during labor. Hearing that sweet cry for the first time, seeing that beautiful face, falling in love all over again. Feeling like you’re holding a new piece of Heaven right in your arms.
I’m so thankful that God has given me this experience several times. It really is a miracle.
About Mandee
Good byes are very hard indeed Corrine. To me it means, nothing is ever going to be the same. This past month my youngest boy got married and I am really struggling with this change. I haven’t found my way out of this cloud yet, but I’m working on it. I like your blog 🙂
Thank you, Valerie! Oh, I’m so not ready to think about marriage for my kiddos…I imagine that’s a hard one. Praying for you during this transition!
It is hard when we move from one season of life to another. I have five children and still would have had more if I could have afforded to take care of them financially but I do miss my childbearing years. It does make it a little easier now that I have grandchildren to love but change is never easy.